My First Lesson in Marriage

I'm happy to report that we've made it through 5 1/2 weeks of marriage. Life doesn't feel too different, except for the fact that I now introduce B as "my husband", which takes some getting used to. Not that I expected it to be any different, but I would liken getting married to celebrating a milestone birthday. There was no overnight change in our relationship, just as there's never any overnight aging realized the morning of a birthday. As a matter of fact, the morning after our wedding, we headed back to our apartment from the honeymoon suite at the Doubletree. We opened the door, dropped our bags, and looked at each other. "Well, I'm going to take a shower," I said. "I think I'll start a load of laundry," B said. And we went about our business.

However, even after dating for four years before getting married, I'm learning things about B that I didn't know before. I knew that B was a naturally cleaner person that I am. My first clue into this reality was once when I was helping him clean his old room, and he assigned me the task of dusting the power cords. Who does that?? So, although I had fair warning, I'm not sure I realized the extent of B's cleanliness.

Let me paint you a picture. I wake up in the morning, stumble out of bed, generally to the bathroom or to the kitchen for a glass of water. By the time I return, B has made the bed and placed his neatly-folded pajamas on top of his pillow. Then, we head into the kitchen where I make a bowl of oatmeal with blueberries, and settle into the couch to watch GMA. B finishes eating his Cheerios and Bagelthin, jumps up, and washes his dish and my bowl before the first commercial break. "I'm happy to do my dishes, babe," I say. "I know, but I don't mind!" he answers. However, I'm beginning to realize that it's more his not being able to stand my dirty bowl sitting on the coffee table in front of me for the next half hour than anything else. After B leaves for work, I usually hit the gym and run some errands. When I return home, usually in the early afternoon, B has been home for lunch, emptied the dishwasher, started a load of laundry, and put away his clean clothes from the day before. Wow!

Don't misread my commentary. This is certainly not a fault of my hubby's. I LOVE that he helps around the house and is so organized. The "problem", if you can even call it that, is that this talent so does not come naturally to me. It never has. Growing up, the cleanliness and organization of my room was a constant battle between my parents and me. They tried to help, and tried to instill a sense of responsibility when it came to the subject--but it just didn't work. In this post I touched on the fact that my mom was never really into the stereotypical home-making or home-decorating. And, although I want to have a clean, inviting home, I truly just do not know how to make it that way.

Instead of feeling inadequate about this (which I totally do), I'm trying to view this as something I can learn from B. After all, there are many, many (MANY!) things he can learn from me :-)

Warm Feet

A few nights ago, just as we were falling asleep, I looked over at B and-- Omigosh! I thought. Did I even think this through? This is a huge decision. Am I too young for this? Do I really want to be with him for the rest of my life? Or do I just want to get married? Will I miss out on something else--something better?


While these thoughts poured into my head, I have no doubt that the look on my face was anything but picture-worthy. Hold on, Katie, calm down. I took a deep breath. And, luckily, it all came back to me. The way B had cleaned up my skinned knees and palms after I fell running recently; our hysterical laughter throughout the aisles of Target that afternoon over absolutely nothing; the dinners we've shared together in our new home over the past month; relaxing on the couch together after a long day of tornado sirens with kindergartners at work. Not to mention the support I had in B when I went through a really tough time last summer; the beautiful roses he brought home this week; how I've only had to run/empty the dishwasher once since we moved into our apartment; coming home to clean laundry on a day when I was absolutely exhausted. Remembering these things, I rolled over, kissed B's cheek, and fell asleep--absolutely assured.

We're down to just 13 days!

Alone-Together Time

It seems to surprise people when they find out I'm an introvert. I often get a, "Nooooooo..." in response, as a matter of fact. People at work always say, "But you're so happy all the time!" As though they would know better than I do. And as though all introverts walk around in a cloudy, gray bubble of depression. But I think the real discrepancy comes in the fact that these people don't understand what being an introvert or an extrovert really means.

Shy people are often described as "introverted" and outgoing people as "extroverted." This is the definition I myself knew, until a couple of years ago in a graduate class when we took the Meyers-Briggs Personality Test. No matter your feelings on the accuracy of the test, it was helpful for me to understand the different characteristics listed, and examine the actions of myself and others within that perspective.

This professor of mine explained that introverts are energized by being alone and drained of energy by being around other people. Extroverts, on the other hand, is a person who is energized by being around other people. (I verified this information just now on about.com. That's right--find a more credible source. I dare you.)

This new information just clicked with me (actually, since we're on a psychology path here, I assimilated this information easily into my existing schemata). I had always wondered why, after a looooong, stressful week of school and work, I craved a night in with my Instant Netflix, but my roommate was ready to party.

The times that I did join in with the festivities left me feeling even more exhausted and counting down the minutes until 11pm, which I deemed the earliest point at which I could go home.

It also helped explain why, after a weekend trip with the family, I absolutely had to remove myself to my bedroom and spend an evening painting my nails and listening to music instead of watching a movie with my parents. (On this particular night, my dad actually barged into my room at about 10pm because he was "worried" about me--I think he thought my introversion was a suicidal sign. I assured him it was not.)

This isn't to say I don't enjoy myself around other people. I do, and I am outgoing and social--as long as I've already had that time to myself to recharge my batteries.

This revelation wasn't long after B and I had become serious, and I started to worry about what this meant for me in a relationship. How could I ever live with somebody? How could I ever have someone else around 24/7 and avoid snapping at them and being downright rude like I'd been to my parents when I lived in their house?


Although it took some time, those worries have finally abated. As I got to know B better, I realized that he, too, was an introvert. Although he's never taken the Meyers-Briggs test that I took, I've observed (and we've discussed) that he, too, energizes with alone time. What's even more fantastic, is that over the past four years, I've come to the point where time that is spent with B relaxing together at home, whether that's reading, watching Netflix, or playing a video game, can also be re-charging for me. I call it our "alone-together" time. I think that's one of the ways I really knew that B and I could make this commitment to be married. As an introvert, I'd finally found someone that I could energize with--or, at least, that didn't drain my energy source.

"Alone-together" time is still something we have to work at. Since I'm still living at my parents' house, our time in the evenings is limited, and we sometimes find ourselves feeling pressured to "do something" during those times--go out for a drink, watch a movie, have ice cream, etc. We've talked about how in order for two introverts to successfully live with one another, we'll have to practice our "alone-together" time even more--those times when we're both at home, but B is vegging out in front of the TV watching basketball while I'm catching up on my favorite blogs on my computer.


Lastly, I've been pondering this: Do couples work best if their introvert-introvert or extrovert-extrovert? How does an extrovert-introvert couple both maintain their sanity as well as their relationship? What do you think?

Quotes: Be Gone!

Scroll through my first twenty-ish posts so far, and you'll notice that I established a routine of heading each entry with a quote. Specifically, a quote about marriage, relationships, etc. (A quote about the theme of my blog! Go figure.) However, I've decided this tradition needs to be cut short.

I've been pretty disappointed with the overwhelmingly negative quotes I've been finding on the subject of marriage. Sarcasm, bitterness, and all around anti-matrimony prevail in any Google search for "quotes about marriage" or "marriage quotes". Some of the most common search returns?

"I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life." ~ Rita Rudner

"Divorce: The past tense of marriage." ~ Author unknown

"Valentine's Day is when a lot of married men are reminded what a poor shot Cupid really is." ~ Author unknown

"Three rings of marriage are the engagement ring, the wedding ring, and the suffering." ~ Author unknown

"Bigamy is having one husband or wife too many. Monogamy is the same." ~ Oscar Wilde

"Marriage means commitment. Of course, so does insanity." ~ Author unknown

"I never knew what real happiness was until I got married. And by then it was too late." ~ Max Kauffman

"Wedding rings: the world's smallest handcuffs." ~ Author unknown

Okay, don't think I have no sense of humor. But reading these every day while scrolling through looking for a quote applicable to my most recent blog entry was beginning to be quite a downer for a bride-to-be less than three months away from her wedding. I know that there might be some truth to some of the statements. And I know that a marriage needs some humor in it to succeed. But I'm just not sure these "jokes" are what I want my marriage based on. (I found it ironic that so many of these negative thoughts were from unknown authors--maybe somebody would be a little embarrassed if their spouse found out what they were saying behind their back?!)

Here are some of the few I found that I hope someday do describe my marriage:

"What a happy and holy fashion it is that those who love one another should rest on the same pillow." ~ Nathaniel Hawthorne

"Newlyweds become oldyweds, and oldyweds are the reasons that families work."

"A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person." ~ Mignon McLaughlin

"In every marriage more than a week old, there are grounds for divorce. The trick is to find, and continue to find, grounds for marriage." ~ Robert Anderson

"There is no such cozy combination as man and wife." ~ Menander

"In the opinion of the world, marriage ends all, as it does in comedy. The truth is precisely the opposite: it begins all." ~ Anne Sophie Swetchine

"In a time when nothing is more certain than change, the commitment of two people to one another has become difficult and rare. Yet, by its scarcity, the beauty and value of this exchange have only been enhanced." ~ Robert Sexton

"There is no substitute for the comfort supplied by the utterly taken-for-granted relationship." ~ Iris Murdoch

And, lastly, one of my favorite bloggers sums it up well in this letter to her boyfriend (You should really take a second to read the whole letter. It's adorable.): 

"In today’s society people choose a spouse and a have a lawn guy (or a physical trainer or a pool boy) on the side. But you see, I want my cake and wanna eat it too. Sure you are my legal spouse. But people don’t understand that you are also my boytoy. You are the guy that I chose almost one year ago. And you are the guy that I will choose tomorrow. But let’s be honest, we live in a society that says husbands are not the same as being one’s boyfriend."

~ Katie Bower

 

I don't plan to have a stereotypical marriage where I complain because he doesn't do anything and he feels secretly bitter towards me. I'm sure that nobody goes into a marriage expecting a relationship such as that (or maybe they do?), but from the looks of what society feels is a funny--or even an okay--portrayal of marriage, we have accepted marriage as a constant state of bitterness. Sitcoms, movies, books, magazines--single and free is fun and exciting. Marriage? Blech. Leave it for the bitter old people who are sneaking around behind their spouses backs getting it on with the neighbor's out-of-town guests.

When B and I decided that we wanted to be together for the rest of our lives, we agreed to enter into a partnership. We agreed to support each other through thick and thin, and to me, that means something.

I was relieved to see a quote in my browsing from the philosopher whom B reads, quotes, and values endlessly:

"Marriage: that I call the will of two to create the one who is more than those who created it." ~ Friedrich Nietzsche 

So, to sum up my incessant ramblings, I will no longer be subscribing to the format I originally created. I will be supporting a positive viewpoint of marriage; one that reinforces the vows I'll be pledging in 84 days. And, although you might see a quote pop up here and there, I'll be retiring my Quote Garden bookmark from my Firefox toolbar.

In the Mood

If bad decorating was a hanging offense, there'd be bodies hanging from every tree!

~ Sylvester Stalone

My apologies for the rather graphic quote. It was the best fit I could find!

Decorating was never a priority for my parents. I grew up in a nice house, with nice things, but with no real decor. Plans were always in the making; the basement room was "in progress" and we spent seven years picking a paint color for the master bathroom--it never did end up painted. We did have matching furniture, a few pieces of framed art, and place mats on our table--but the style ended there. 

I was always a little envious of friends whose moms spent afternoons antiquing, who arranged fake fruit in vases on the kitchen island, or whose dining room table resembled a picture in a catalog, no matter what time of day/year. In my surly teenage years, I even became ashamed when I'd have friends over. I'd find reasons to explain, like "Oh, we're re-doing that room right now" or "We're in the process of painting." But those who knew us well knew these were excuses and that if they came back in six weeks--or even six months--nothing would have changed.

Nowadays, I've come to love my house the way it is. My parents are wonderful people, dutifullly involved in church activities, family relationships, and friendships. Staging a scene from House Beautiful is just not in the mix. I appreciate that now. The hours when I was younger that my mom could have spent arranging furniture or on DIY decorating projects, she instead spent taking me to the library, a movie, or on a walk. Currently, she spends those moments baking cookies for church members' birthdays, pursuing her dream of being a writer, planning Bible Study lessons, and lending a hand to family and friends whenever they call. I absolutely cherish her for these qualities, and would not wish for anything different.

However, I've got a decorating itch to cure. For the past two years, I've drooled over Trading Spaces, Martha Stewart Living, Good Housekeeping, and more recently, now Young House Love, Bower Power, and iHeart Organizing. I pride myself in being an independent, educated young woman... but I'll admit that I can't wait to be a housewife. Visualizing the unexplored frontier of my future home, a space for me to decorate, organize, and care for, provides a rush of excitement.

As we near our April 25 move-in date, the ideas are pouring in. And some decorating anxiety has started a-rumblin' in the pit of my stomach, as I realize that these painting, lighting, and sewing projects are actually mine for the doing--no longer a far-off dream, but a present-day reality. Buying new lamps last weekend was only the beginning--our (okay, my) list of to-dos to make our apartment a home is growing steadily by the day. I won't go into all the details--the list is quite extensive--but here's a run-down on two projects I hope to get done before we move in.


1) The Bookshelves.


Once upon a time, when I was just a young girl, in a rush of decorating genius, I decided to Scotch-tape photographs all over the sides of my wood-composite bookshelves in a haphazard manner. Here's the end result:

Pretty, huh? Well, now I'm kicking my thirteen-year-old self, because we just don't have the extra $$$ to buy new bookshelves, so we're going to try to make these work. I've done some reading, and my plan is to gently sand the contact-paper-layered-wood-composite sides, and use a couple thin coats of primer before re-painting. I'm also planning to wall-paper the back board. Oh, and lose the ceramic dolls, Coca-Cola tin, and fishy lamp.

2) The Entertainment Center


My parents have decided (just in time!) to replace the entertainment center that currently stands in their hearth room, and they're passing this old one down to us. It's really in pretty good shape; I just want to tweak it a little bit.

The main beef I have with this piece of furniture is the doors. For starters, we have a wooden coffee table, wooden pantry unit, wooden desk, wooden end tables, and wooden bookshelves that we're going to be cramming into a small apartment. They all match fairly well, but I'm trying my darnedest to avoid the rustic cabin look. In addition, as you can see in the picture that I've so nicely labeled for you, one of the doors cracked clean in two about ten years ago (thanks to yours truly leaning on the open door while trying to pick a movie one evening). I know it's not very noticeable, but it bugs me (probably because I did it). So, I'm hoping to find some replacement doors that have some glass panes or something. I don't know. We'll see how that goes.

I know that decorating is a gradual process, and that if I try to dive into all of these projects at once, I'll either 1) burn out or 2) go flat broke. We're planning to take it in steps. Eventually, of course we'll also need to buy a couch, a kitchen table, replace our mattress... Oh man, I can't even think about it right now.

The reason for my excitement is obvious. It really doesn't have as much to do with decorating, but with creating a comfortable space that B and I can call our own. I know we can be happy in a place with mismatched furniture, unpainted walls, and Scotch-tape marked bookshelves (okay, maybe not that last one...). But I so want our first home to be a reflection of who we are as a couple, and a product of our own inspiration and hard work. 

Our decorating process will be much like our relationship, I'm sure. We'll be excited, we'll work hard, we'll sometimes be in over our heads, we'll occasionally not have any idea what we're doing. But, hopefully, with some dedication, both our decor and our marriage will become as inspired, coordinated, and comfortable as I picture them to be.

Generation Millennial

The Constitution only guarantees the American people the right to pursue happiness.  You have to catch it yourself. 

~Benjamin Franklin

I've fallen into a slump.


I know, I know. My last three or four posts detail how everything is going so great lately. And everything is going so great lately! So why can't I just accept it and be happy?

My mom attended a business conference yesterday for public relations. She informed me when she got home that I am part of the "millennial" generation. Apparently, they'd spent much of the day talking about how to appeal to this generation. I think I could have taught them a thing or two. As a member of the millennial generation, I am never quite satisfied: 

• I got the 3G iPod Touch for my birthday. Great! But what I'd really like is a 4G iPhone because it's such a pain to carry my phone and my iPod. 
• My closet holds enough clothes to dress a small army. Or even a large army. But, somehow, I never own the right pair of pants for an outfit, and I have a running list of items I "need."
• I have a car. It's been running for 13 years. I don't have to make any payments on it, it has all its windows (no duck tape/plastic wrap for me!), and absolutely nothing on it or in it is chipped or broken. Yet, I long for the day when a repair is just too much, and I can trade it in (for about 5 cents) and purchase something different.

Spending money feels good, and there are always changes to be made and needs to be met. This doesn't only apply to my wallet and my material things.

This week I've been looking forward to the future. A lot. And I don't just mean because I have a big wedding and a honeymoon coming up, and I'm excited. I'm talking about that chronic feeling of dissatisfaction.

• Yes, I have a job. And it's at a school. And it pays like a teacher. But I don't have my own classroom. I'll be happy when I have my own classroom.
• Yes, I have a fantastic fiance. And he loves me. And I love him. And I love that I get to see him every day. But I only get to see him for about one hour every day. I'll be happy when I can see him for longer.
• Yes, we have an awesome apartment in our very near future. But April 25 is not here yet. I'll be happy on April 25.

This isn't a new thing for me. Freshman year of college I needed  a car up at Truman. Then sophomore year I had to move off campus. I moved off campus and then I just couldn't stand that other couples were getting engaged. When that happened, it was miserable not to see B every day. I just knew that when I moved back to KC I'd finally by happy.


In the name of science, I've observed evidence of this theory in many other subjects (i.e. people my age). My friends that have been accepted to wonderful graduate programs, but will not truly find happiness until they've paid off all their student loans. Generation Millennials that have gotten married, have beautiful children, but know they won't be truly satisfied until their money troubles are in control. And those with a fantastic job, a cozy apartment, a wide network of friends, but who can't accept it as life without a relationship. 


Recently my prayers have been to live in the moment and appreciate the many, many blessings God has thrown my way. I am working to enjoy these last six weeks in my parents' house, to cherish the little time I spend with B every day, and to learn from the four teachers I'm job-sharing with, to appreciate the experience and wisdom they have to offer before I am thrown into my own classroom.


What do you think--is it a generational thing, or am I just greedy?

I Have to Share a Closet?!

"I like my money right where I can see it... hanging in my closet."

~ Sarah Jessica Parker 

After you get engaged, all the imminent changes slowly begin to sink in. Exciting, positive changes--like moving in together, growing old together, and getting to wear a sparkly ring (more about that here). But also some that are a little scarier—like paying our own auto insurance and buying our own groceries (right now we eat at my parents’ house almost every night). 


However, the one that scares me the most (and the inspiration for the name of my blog) has been that after we get married… I’m going to have to share a closet. This may seem trivial to most, but to me it's absolutely petrifying.

Growing up as the only kid in my family, I've not only had my own room and closet, but also, for the past 10 years, my own floor of the house. The other two upstairs rooms are officially entitled “The Bunk Bed Room” and “The Guest Room,” but to me they mean “Extra Closet” and “Extra Floor Space.” The closets, available for storing rarely-worn outfits, formal dresses, coats, etc., and the carpets, available for sorting ungodly amounts of dirty laundry, have served as enablers for someone with an innate pack-rat addiction.


My shopping habit, in combination with my pack-rat tendencies, created a problem over the years--I owned too much crap. I've literally just scoured my photograph archives, trying to find proof of the astronomical amount of clothes that were stuffed into my closet, but couldn't find evidence. Really, that says something right there--I purposely closed my closet door in every single picture I ever took in my bedroom.


Because I'm a naturally-defensive person when it comes to my individual faults, I do have to point out that after losing a fairly substantial amount of weight, I was in desperate need of new clothes... (three years ago). However, I can no longer depend on this excuse. I've maintained my new size long enough that it's time to get rid of my old clothes, and put the brakes on the shopping frenzy.


It took me three full days and two van-loads of over-stuffed trash bags, but finally I've condensed my wardrobe enough that it at least fits in my walk-in closet. (Yeah, it was that bad.)


Here were my criteria for keeping or donating:

1. If I hadn't worn it in the past year, donate it.

2. If the last three times I'd put it on, I'd taken it off because a) I couldn't find anything to wear it with or b) I felt fat or frumpy, donate it.

3. If it was more than 5 years old, donate it.

By adhering to these "rules," I took my wardrobe down to one plastic crate of T-shirts (from four), six skirts, six dresses, one pair each of brown pants, black pants, pinstripes, and khakis, etc. I wrote these numbers down, and made another rule for myself:


When I buy something, it's a replacement.


For example, if I buy new skinny jeans, I have to donate my old skinny jeans. If I buy a new fancy dress, I have to donate one old fancy dress.


Having accomplished such a huge task, I feel much more under control of my closet. It may sound silly, but I also feel much more in control of my life. My closet is one of the first places I step each morning, and stepping into an organized, simplified space helps the rest of my day to feel organized and simplified.


In addition, I now feel prepared to put my wardrobe next to B's in our new closet (although he's already agreed that I'll be using 1.5 of the 2 closets available in our new apartment).


I'd like to think that my dedication to clearing out my wardrobe is analogous of my preparation for marriage. Everyone brings a certain amount of baggage, weaknesses, etc. to a relationship. A relationship takes work, and the first step is realizing that you are not perfect, and working to take the steps necessary to change. So far, I've managed to do that with my closet--let's see what else I can accomplish in the next three months to make my marriage a little easier and a lot happier :-)

The Value of Co-Exercising

Physical fitness is not only one of the most important keys to a healthy body, it is the basis of dynamic and creative intellectual activity. 

~ John F. Kennedy

Last week, you (my blog readers) got your first glimpse into the fitness-induced coma that has become my life. I explained to you that my life has not always been this way. Although I played a multitude of sports growing up, the Squeeze-Its and orange slices at the end of the game were by far my favorite part. And you can bet I'd never come home from a game sweaty or dirty; I quit softball as soon as we were expected to slide and get mud on our shorts. Being active was just not something I valued.


However, in high school I started doing Yoga at my church twice a week. Then, my freshman year of college, I started elliptical-ing almost regularly. But it wasn't until my WeightWatchers revelation in 2007 that I really made exercise a priority.

An interesting tidbit about my past is that I started WW exactly 3 weeks before my first date with B. I like this fact for a few reasons: one, I like that B was attracted to be before my "thin" days, and two, I view WW as a new chapter of my life--one filled with confidence and health--and I love that B has been a part of it since the beginning.

When B started visiting over weekends in Kirksville, we started going to the campus rec center together. I think back to those times and laugh a little inside, simply because we really had no idea what we were doing. I remember specifically B saying to me, "Okay, I'm going to go run a mile," and then taking off around the track at break-neck speed, toes turned out wide, nearly horizontal to the floor. Needless to say, 100 yards later, he was gasping for breath. "See?" he complained, "I just don't see how people run that far."

Slowly, we learned better. I started taking classes at the Student Rec Center, and B took some boot camp classes at our gym at home. We started swapping fitness advice and exercise ideas. 

In June 2009, I completed my first half-marathon, with B there to cheer me on. (In case you're interested, here's the training plan I used.)

 

In June 2010, he completed his first half-marathon, where I met him at the finish line (I ran the 10K).

We have yet to run a half-marathon together, but that's coming up in our first year of married life.

All of this rambling leads me to my points (Finally! you're thinking). B and I have an awesome thing going here. We're one another's motivators, supporters, and accountability partners. When we agree to meet at the gym before work at 5am, you can bet we don't stand each other up (right B???). And when one of us is tempted to be a couch potato on a Saturday afternoon, the other gets their butt up for a run. I drag B to Yoga classes, and he sometimes convinces me to give CrossFit a try. On days when we haven't seen each other all day, we meet at the gym with a killer ab workout to try together. We've found the best running routes or free gyms at any vacation spot we've ever visited.

I'm so grateful to have fallen into a partnership in which health and fitness are a priority. As long as we have each other, I have no doubt that B and I will continue our healthful habits.

Can You Hear Me Now?

Sometimes I wonder if men and women really suit each other.  Perhaps they should live next door and just visit now and then.  

~Katharine Hepburn

Sometimes (okay, often) I wonder how it is possible that two people who are supposedly the same species can have such a tremendous communication discrepancy.

Allow me to share one of the first B and I had, near the beginning of our relationship:

B: "I'm having dinner with my parents tonight. You can come if you want."

Me: "Well, do you want me to come?"

B: "Yeah, if you want."

Let's take a poll. Do you think I went? No, of course not. I didn't want to be a bother, tagging along because I wanted to. But, low and behold, the next time I saw his family, they questioned me about why I hadn't come to dinner the previous weekend. B chimed in with, "Yeah, I invited you!"  

"Invited me?" I asked him later in private. "You told me 'I could come if I wanted to.'"

"I know," B replied, "I invited you."

I tried, in vain, to explain to him that "You can come if you want" implies something completely different than "Would you like to come to dinner with my parents?" or "You're invited to dinner with my parents tonight." But, alas, he simply could not understand why I didn't feel adequately summoned.

Now, don't get me wrong, I'm not bashing on B. As a matter of fact, I have him very well trained he's become much better. Now, instead of saying he'll "stop by in a little bit," he says he'll "stop by around 5:30." Instead of "I could eat," it's "I'm not really hungry now, want to wait half an hour?"

I spent the first couple years of our relationship frustrated every time a communication lapse occurred. Now, I do my best to practice my Yoga breaths and remind him, calmly, that I believe I had mentioned it before, or that whatever he said was a bit confusing. Sometimes, though, my calm answers come out, "How the heck was I supposed to know that?!" or "What do you mean, you didn't do it??" 

But then I remember that I cherish my relationship too much to let something like this get in the way.

Bahahaha. I could hardly even type that without laughing. In truth, I view these instances as a glimpse into married life. As a wife/partner, it's my job to figure out how we can bridge this communication gap, learn from it, and still live happily ever after...

... any ideas?!?

The Waiting Game

Where thou art - that - is Home.  

~Emily Dickinson 

Our most recent marriage-preparation task has been searching for our future home. We've decided to go the apartment route for the first few years while we save for a house. 


I know, I know. Right now, you want to ask: Do we realize that this is a great time to buy a house? Don't we want the extra space? Why are we willing to throw money away every month on rent, when we could be paying a mortgage? These are the questions we get nearly every day from concerned friends and family. What do I wish I could say to them? Mind your own business. What do I actually say to them? While we might have enough savings for a down-payment, since I don't have a teaching job yet we're not comfortable making that kind of commitment.


We began our apartment search with two-bedroom apartments. But after looking over our budget once again, we decided that in order to be able to pay rent, utilities, feed ourselves, and still put money away for a house, we should probably be looking at one-bedrooms. At first, I was a little disappointed. I had already mentally-decorated our guest room/home office, and didn't want to give up my purple-and-yellow themed space (we're MN Vikings fans!). And, although I'm still a little nervous about keeping our master bathroom clean enough for visitors, I've come around to the idea of snuggling up in a smaller space together and making it our own.


We've narrowed it down to two apartment complexes. For the sake of the Internet safety that I preach to my students at school, I won't tell you the name or location, but they are both in the KC area. B loves his job, and we forsee free baby-sitting from our parents, if we stay in the area.


Here are the floorplans for our two favorites:

 

As you can see, in this floor plan, we love the kitchen. The island in the center has a ton of storage underneath, and creates a nice, open space into the living and dining area. The cabinets are modern (and pretty!), and it's a flat-top stove. However, I really dislike having the washer/dryer in the kitchen. I know it's hard to find a one-bedroom apartment set up any differently (just wait!), but somehow dragging stinky gym clothes through the kitchen is not too appetizing.

I also really like the huge closet in this floor plan. As I told B, there's plenty of room for me to have one side, and half of his side :-) 

This floor plan (which was harder to edit in Photoshop), is actually the one we're leaning towards. We love the "L-shaped" patio, the huge living room, and the separate laundry room. The downsides are the smaller kitchen, a really ugly light fixture in the dining area, and gross folding closet doors. Luckily, the latter two are easily remedied, and the dining area is large enough for a hutch to create some extra storage.


The other interesting thing about this second floor plan is the difference a first floor or second floor apartment makes. We originally really wanted a first floor apartment. As a matter of fact, in floor plan #1 (above), we would definitely want a first floor apartment, since we could let Delilah out from our back door. However, in this floor plan, the bottom floor has low ceilings with a huge beam across the middle of the living room. Yuck. But the top floor has huge, vaulted ceilings, and incredible natural light. B and I have decided that it's worth the extra calorie-burn to take D down and up a flight of stairs every time she has to go potty.


Neither of these apartment complexes is willing to hold an apartment for us until July (how rude!), so we are in the process of waiting to go on their waiting list. I've never been good at waiting (what can I say, I'm Generation Instant Gratification), and it's killing me to not know for sure where we'll be creating our future home.

Life at the End of the Tunnel

What a happy and holy fashion it is that those who love one another should rest on the same pillow.  

~Nathaniel Hawthorne

Yesterday marked the official four-month mark of the countdown to the wedding. While I'm beyond excited to rally our 250 closest family and friends for a weekend of celebrating our future life together, I must admit that for me, the four-month mark is really a milestone on the countdown to living together.

At this point, I'm just so ready to be married. We've spent the last 14 months planning our life together--down to the bedspread we see in our future bedroom and the silverware from which we'll eat our oatmeal--and I'm ready to put it into play.

Currently, I'm living at my parents' house while B lives in a small one-bedroom about 10 minutes away. The situation is not bad, by any means. It makes sense financially, I have a great relationship with my parents, and we survived three years of living 3.5 hours apart, so 10 minutes is nothin'.

But now, we're at that point where we're ready to be married; we feel married. But eating dinner at my parents' table and watching TV in their living room doesn't.